My March 1 and 2
SOME rantings I wasn't able to post right away because of Internet trouble...
March 1, 2005
It’s amazing how after two years I can now listen to Coldplay’s Scientist without getting sentimental. I remember when I first listened to that song back in 2003, I thought about Estong and how the words aptly reflect my feelings towards him – that I was truly sorry for hurting him and that I would like us to go back to the start.
I remember not wanting to survive 2003. It was in February of that year when I lost my beloved Tatay – my tito who cared for me as if I was his own daughter – and to top it all things weren’t working out fine with me and B. What’s worse is that I kept on comparing B with Estong. I reminisced a lot about our happy times together that made me miss him very badly. B and I broke up soon after.
Though I will maintain that Estong will always be a special blemish in my heart, I am not really thinking much about him these days. I don’t even think of him in a romantic way at all and it’s nice to finally be able to think about him without wanting to cry or feeling depressed or regretful over the end of our bittersweet affair. It’s nice to think about it sometimes but I guess I’ve stopped romanticizing the whole affair because it complicates my thoughts and makes me feel so miserable and want to swallow all the pride that’s left of me and beg him to come back.
But I won’t do that anymore. I’ve been through that already and I realized that I suck at begging and that no volume of tears can make one’s heart melt if it’s already frozen. Hands down – or hands up – I surrender, I give up. I’m tired. I’m not getting any younger or healthier and I don’t think my heart can take any more beating after I turned into a rabid chain smoker. I am not desperate though (so fuck off to those who say I should be blessed since they’re taking me seriously) and I remain one tough gal. I’m looking forward to having another relationship – a really romantic one – but not today, no, I don’t think I’m ready yet. (Come back tomorrow and we’ll talk. Haha!)
March 2, 2005
CONSCIENCE: How dare you think of erotic thoughts while typing an examination for kids?
PINKY: Who? Me? Those weren’t erotic thoughts. I can’t help it, I need to simplify everything. So how can I properly explain that cats love licking their bodies to bathe?
CONSCIENCE: Oh, I know you too well, Pinky. I know how your mind works. You’re fantasizing.
PINKY: I am NOT!
CONSCIENCE: Yes, YOU ARE!
PINKY: No I’m not. Am I?
CONSCIENCE: Yes, you are.
(This conversation went on and on for the rest of my working day. Darn!)
March 1, 2005
It’s amazing how after two years I can now listen to Coldplay’s Scientist without getting sentimental. I remember when I first listened to that song back in 2003, I thought about Estong and how the words aptly reflect my feelings towards him – that I was truly sorry for hurting him and that I would like us to go back to the start.
I remember not wanting to survive 2003. It was in February of that year when I lost my beloved Tatay – my tito who cared for me as if I was his own daughter – and to top it all things weren’t working out fine with me and B. What’s worse is that I kept on comparing B with Estong. I reminisced a lot about our happy times together that made me miss him very badly. B and I broke up soon after.
Though I will maintain that Estong will always be a special blemish in my heart, I am not really thinking much about him these days. I don’t even think of him in a romantic way at all and it’s nice to finally be able to think about him without wanting to cry or feeling depressed or regretful over the end of our bittersweet affair. It’s nice to think about it sometimes but I guess I’ve stopped romanticizing the whole affair because it complicates my thoughts and makes me feel so miserable and want to swallow all the pride that’s left of me and beg him to come back.
But I won’t do that anymore. I’ve been through that already and I realized that I suck at begging and that no volume of tears can make one’s heart melt if it’s already frozen. Hands down – or hands up – I surrender, I give up. I’m tired. I’m not getting any younger or healthier and I don’t think my heart can take any more beating after I turned into a rabid chain smoker. I am not desperate though (so fuck off to those who say I should be blessed since they’re taking me seriously) and I remain one tough gal. I’m looking forward to having another relationship – a really romantic one – but not today, no, I don’t think I’m ready yet. (Come back tomorrow and we’ll talk. Haha!)
March 2, 2005
CONSCIENCE: How dare you think of erotic thoughts while typing an examination for kids?
PINKY: Who? Me? Those weren’t erotic thoughts. I can’t help it, I need to simplify everything. So how can I properly explain that cats love licking their bodies to bathe?
CONSCIENCE: Oh, I know you too well, Pinky. I know how your mind works. You’re fantasizing.
PINKY: I am NOT!
CONSCIENCE: Yes, YOU ARE!
PINKY: No I’m not. Am I?
CONSCIENCE: Yes, you are.
(This conversation went on and on for the rest of my working day. Darn!)
posted by pee at
9:55:00 AM
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